EPISODE 84: Overcoming the Guilt of Estrangement After Losing a Loved One to Homicide with Maya Roffler

Welcome to LEAP where we sit down with people from all over the world to hear their transformational stories and perspectives on their grief and loss journeys. 

In this episode, Maya Roffler, the owner, founder, and CEO of MaYapinion™ LLC, and the founder and host of The Surviving Siblings Podcast, shares a deeply personal story about her journey through grief and loss after the tragic homicide of her brother Andreas. Maya opens up about not being in contact with her brother before his death and the guilt she carries as a sibling. She shares how her brother’s battle with drugs and alcohol played a role in their estrangement.

Maya speaks candidly about how she dealt with her deep grief and loss and how the idea of ‘getting justice’ can play a role in the grieving process. She shares her experience of dealing with anger and the realization that she needed help outside of herself to deal with her emotions. Maya talks about her journey from anger to sadness and why she wanted to take her own life.

Maya also discusses her family dynamics and how the paradox of love and fear can exist within families. Throughout the episode, she reflects on the hidden gift grief brought her and what hope means to her. She shares her insights on self-love and how it has helped her heal.

This episode is a powerful reminder that even in the face of tragedy, there is always hope for healing and growth. Tune in to hear Maya’s inspiring story of resilience and how she learned to navigate the complexities of grief.

**TRIGGER WARNING** This episode covers sensitive subject matter and is not suitable for all listeners. If this topic could be a trigger for you, listen to this episode with a friend, a sibling, a loved one or a parent so you can talk about any emotions that come up for you. The contents of this episode are not intended to replace therapy and should not be taken as such. If you need immediate help, please call the crisis hotline listed below in our resources.

Listen in as we talk about:

  • [2:00] Losing her brother Andreas to homicide
  • [4:40] Not being in contact with her brother before he died
  • [9:00] The guilt you carry as a sibling out of contact 
  • [11:15] Why Maya didn’t talk to her brother, and his battle with drugs and alcohol
  • [15:00] How she hung onto and dealt with this deep grief and loss
  • [19:50] The idea of ‘getting justice’
  • [23:15] The anger that comes with grief
  • [28:00] Realizing she needed help outside of herself
  • [32:10] Shifting from anger to sadness
  • [33:30] Why Maya wanted to take her own life
  • [38:55] What her relationship with her family is like today
  • [47:25] The paradox of love and fear
  • [51:00] The hidden gift grief brought her
  • [53:40] Hope is…
  • [54:15] What self-love means to Maya today

Grief Hotline

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Maya here:

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